Half of South Boston to be torn down so other half can park

Boston Mayor Martin Walsh announced yesterday that he had decided to yield to the South Boston neighborhood’s wishes for less development and more parking. Speaking at a press conference at Boston City Hall he said that he had directed the Boston Redevelopment Authority to use its recently-extended urban renewal powers to demolish half of South Boston and replace it with the world’s largest parking lot. To determine which half of Southie would be for the wreaking ball, City Councilors Michael Flaherty and Bill Linehan flipped coins. Linehan won two out of three flips and decided that the western half of the neighborhood would be demolished.


A BRA rendering of the new South Boston Parking lot.

“There’s no fairer way to decide something like this,” Linehan said.

Many South Boston residents were jubilant upon hearing the news, but some were sullen.

“I still won’t be able to park in front of my house,” said Kathleen Driver.

Walsh said that the new arrangement was a safety issue.

“After consulting with [Boston Police] Commissioner [William] Evans and [Boston Tranportation] Commissioner [Gina] Fiandaca, we decided to implement this solution,” he said. “No one should be geting beat up or their tires slashed in winter-time because of a space saver. The safety of our citizens is paramount.”

If the plan is succesful in South Boston, Walsh said that they could expand it to other neighborhoods where lack of parking has been an issue, such as West Roxbury. However, he added that the Arnold Arboretum or Stony Brook Reservation could also be turned into parking for residents in that neighborhood.

Happy April Fool’s.


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